Stalker Famous

I'm amazed, but it seems my site has already gotten more attention that I expected it to.

Such is the nature of stalkers like Sheri, and Susan, and Teri, and the rest of that sadistic abuse cult.

They just "can't afford the scandal". Odd then, maybe they shouldn't have sex trafficked an innocent woman so a bunch of jealous low-class trash could be popular and go shopping.

I try very hard these days not to be spiteful. It's a lesson I'm learning in therapy. To not let those evil nasty disgusting people ruin me by making me as nasty as they are.

What I do know is that they have spent 8 years now doing everything in their power short of killing me, which Jim has actually threatened to do, to keep me quiet.

How else will they get away with spending all that money? And I'm just disgusted and revolted.

I know what I saw, and witnessed, and heard. And logically the pieces add up to exactly what I fear is true, and that is exactly that what I reported is true, and they simply cannot stand the scandal.

Anything to avoid a scandal it seems.

The whole time I was at Donnie's, the gym, them visiting me that night, being drugged and paraded around restaurants... I know it happened. It's just so horrific my brain doesn't want to believe it and denial is easier.

I suppose in many ways I blame myself for saying anything. I don't know why I should blame myself for speaking up about abuse though.

Regardless of what he may lie and say, this was never my supposed "fantasy" and I certainly never wished for it.

Running certainly won't help. It never does.

But that also explains why Sheri and Donnie are crawling out of the woodwork now. And if they are, they by logic and simply history Susan and Jim are as well.

They simply can't afford the scandal.

Part of me wants so badly to simply walk away and run again. The pain and betrayal is overwhelming sometimes.

But that hasn't exactly worked in the past, any of the multiple times I've tried it.

I had a hard enough time blocking out what happened to me in Manitou and on the 12th and also Cripple Creek. Now I'm supposed to deny that any of it happened and give my abusers what they want because they can't afford a scandal.

She needed an excuse for punishing me that wasn't a blatant lie I suppose.

I'll play along, because I see no reason to fight it anymore. There's nothing left to save.

I'll play along because I no longer want any of it. There's nothing left to defend.

Every part that I ever dreamed of that was family, and love, and a home, and children, and a loving husband. The entire idea revolts me now. So much so it's a visceral response.

I want nothing to do with any of it. It sickens me. As do the machinations of these twisted people that imagine themselves better than everyone else.

I spend so much of my life disassociated and in denial simply so that I can keep putting on the mask and playing at this sick show that is nothing more than a bunch of Liber 333 vampires playing puppeteer.

I could never be like any of them, it makes me want to vomit. However sadly they've already shown me behind the curtain and I'm so disgusted and disillusioned with the dishonor and filth and scams and lies of this world that I'm revolted and want nothing to do with any of it anymore.

I simply can't commit suicide. It's the one thing I cannot do. Perhaps it's cowardice. I just can't.

Perhaps this is enlightenment. When it all burns away, and you look at the world and realize it's all a play and in essence, means nothing, and our purpose here is to sit, wait, fast, learn, love, grow, and enjoy the moment.

I can't stand the thought of building anything again, not just to watch those cult stalking pyscho freaks destroy it again. Why, so pedophile Jim can lie about it being supposedly "his business" so he can prance around in silk man panties and pay for hookers and room service in expensive hotel rooms?

I'm content living simply. It's very hard for me not to just sit and wait and watch it all go by and hope I die soon. I find it hard to have motivation when I know it's all going to be stalked and destroyed over some sick show based on dishonorable lies anyways.

This world is a hell prison, and simply put I want off of it. I see no point in dressing up filth and dishonor in pretty baubles to pretend. I simply want out. Let the vampires have it, as long as they leave me the hell alone and stay out of my life. There's nothing left to save anyways. Nothing honorable anyways.

I've already seen enough of what happens to women who are stupid enough to be loyal to men in this world. And the women are even more cruel, and hurtful, and vindictive.

There's no repairing it. They're all too worried about the scandal. None of them care to repair it. They were having too much "fun". The only reason they care now is because they got caught.

They only time any of them will ever show any honor is if they have to and there are people watching. If it's for publicity, then they can pretend. The rest of the time they're too busy throwing drugged rape adult theater shows.

It's literally a visceral response. I'm disgusted by all of them.

As to A, I simply don't know. It' been since March, and he has never treated me in any way that deserves this amount of loyalty. I got tortured for being loyal to him, and he couldn't even bring me a sweatshirt while he allowed me to be abused.

I'll never allow myself to forget that. Maybe that's the part of him I should remember. But it's not.

I need to find something to motivate me again. Otherwise, I'm going to spend the rest of this life in a comfortable cannabis induced haze patiently waiting to die.

I loathe it here on this planet of evil cruel hurtful people that would rather destroy light than watch it thrive.

There are books that say this planet is a prison. Urantia tells us that human being are as a species so destructive and violent and horrific that we were quarantined here to prevent us spreading into the universe. I'm not sure what to believe, but what I do know, is that this world is inherently dangerous for anything pure and innocent and loyal and honest and good. Whatever balance that kept evil at bay was lost long ago. Seeing behind the curtain, watching the machinations play out.... it's like watching a horror movie on rerun.

I'm happy being simple. Perhaps that really is enlightenment. I find peace in not chasing the illusion that anyone will ever care or help me. I find peace in simply letting go, accepting the fact that there will never be any justice, and simply moving on.

What I do know is that I will never accept his offer. No matter how many times they drug and abuse me. I do NOT work with rapists and pedophiles. Let him go have Susan.