"You should've known better"

According to Phillip, “Who would know her better than her own family?” Which makes no sense, because he and Chris and practically everyone in my life knew I was estranged from my family. It’s why they did what they did in HI throughout 2014 and 2015 with Tony Gross, because they knew they could get away with it and no one would care.

I look back now, and I hear that nasty little voice in my head repeating ‘You should’ve known better’.

Due to childhood traumas I’ve always been so easily imprinted and attached. Any kindness, or affection, it is so rare to me that I tend to short circuit when it happens. I was not ready for Tony’s gross manipulations, nor was I ready for Todd’s sick ‘fantasies’ that he and his twisted jealous skank girlfriend Annie came up with so ‘no man would ever touch her again’.

You should’ve known better.

All my life my kryptonite has been family. It was the one thing that crippled me and held me back from greatness my entire childhood, my teen years, and now after being estranged for over 15 years to most of these people they’ve managed to get their clutches into me again. Thanks to a stalking psychopath and his money.

Phill used to joke about it. His excuse for all the abuses and horrors was “she fell for it”. “Chuckle.” Because I guess that’s what the Huang family and Annie’s pig boyfriend Todd do for a ‘little fun’.

I look back now and realize it is because of my crappy childhood, and the abuse and the neglect that narcissistic abusive manipulators like Todd and Chris and Phillip were even allowed near my life in the first place.

I should’ve known better.

There’s this unwritten silent rule engrained in all children. ‘Family is safe’.

At least it’s supposed to be. Blood ties are supposed to be sacred. Supposed to be. But in reality, I never knew any of these people, and they never knew me. They never even cared, until there was money to be had from some sociopathic stalking lunatic who lied and claimed to be my ‘ex-husband’ after illegally marrying me and using me as an ATM with my cousin Ducre since 2017…..

To Dan, and my entire family… “it’s just so unbelievable!”… They certainly had no problem believing and spending the money though. Of course it’s “unbelievable” to them. They never wanted me, they find it impossible that anyone else would either, much less anyone of societal standing.

There’s a sick and underlying truth standing there like a large pink elephant in the room that my entire family refuses to acknowledge…. None of them ever ‘cared’. Not one of them. I’ve never gotten along with my family, not one of them. Ducre was my favorite cousin, and Phillip conned him into helping to fracture my spine and toss me in a dumpster in Madison Park in exchange for a promotion and a new truck.

It was never about 'caring' for Jhihong or Phillip. Neither of them cared in the least about trailer trash like Jim and Susan and Dan and they never will.

Phillip has known through Chris, and also Todd for over a decade how much I differ from my family. The problems I have with each, and their weaknesses. As much as Dan brags about how “smart he is”… lol after grooming me through abuse and blackmail from 2014 all the way into 2019 Dan was putty in the hands of Phil and Todd and Susan was like a barbie dress up doll for Jhihong.

My father has always had eyes for money, in his mind it would solve all his problems. Jim is a pedophile and a drunk and a pervert and a sex addict. And Susan craves the fame and ‘respect’ she just ‘knows’ she has always been due but was ‘cheated out of’. I’m not sure how I was ever supposed to be “grateful” to that thing that calls herself a woman after she conned me, stole from me, uprooted me from Boston so she could help my stalkers locate and abuse me, helped them transport and abuse my children, then proceeded to stalk and harass me and destroy everything I built for the last 3 years so she and her pig friends could go gambling.

And I’m supposed to learn ‘etiquette’ from these women??? It’s just a vile and disturbing thought. No thank you. I’d rather keep my honor intact thank you very much.

It would be bad enough but possibly forgivable if they had just fallen for the lies…. But the atrocities, and the parties, and the drugs, and the helping a twice convicted of assault criminal find me and abuse me starting literally 1 week after a 5-year restraining order lapsed…. Susan knows her lies, and so does Dan, and Jim, and Ducre, and Joanie…. and it sickens me. As much as I loathe and despise Phillip for his cowardice and his inability to protect honesty and loyalty, I can hardly blame him much in this because all he really did is show me the true nature of all these people.

I should have known.

I tried so hard the whole time. Tried to warn people, tried to protect people that didn’t deserve to be protected. I jumped up and down like a lunatic screaming the truth while that disgusting cult of hazing skanks laughed at me and went shopping and gambling and continued the abuses… and now all of the sudden it’s “Oops. We didn’t know the whole story.”

It’s a sad and humbling terrifying day when one realizes that those that are paid by taxpayer money to ‘protect and serve’ the innocent and loyal in this country of what is supposed to be free women and honorable men… well they’re all really nothing more than a bunch of paid off personal militia jar head twacked out junkies who only do what they are paid off with donations and new uniforms and new equipment and rape parties to do. They are literally nothing more than a private hit squad, and the last 5 years of shredding the police force into a shadow of what it should be has left it ripe for men like Phillip and Todd, and women like Susan and Jhihong to use officers like the little toy foot soldiers they are.

To be clear, you never cared for me. You only wanted to “marry me” to make that shame ‘show’ you pulled in Seattle somehow ‘okay’ and legal. You only wanted to marry me to keep me drugged and quiet and under control for the rest of my life, and you only ever gave a crap because you wanted control of the money. Which none of you should have ever had access to in the first place and wouldn’t have if Ed wasn’t such a desperate dirty pig from being blackmailed by Jhihong over Lowell that he just panicked and dumped me off on Susan and Jim without so much as even a background check.

I should’ve known better.

It’s sad and sick to me that that little voice is right. It’s vile and repugnant to me that what should have been safety and shelter was tainted and twisted and turned into a house of horrors.

But I’m grateful. I don’t mean that in a sarcastic way, I truly am. And it is tough for me to admit that I am grateful to Phil for anything. All my life I have been yoked by this illusion and fantasy of “family’. Even so much that my hearts wish was to have my children and a little house and a kinky husband that adored me. That was before Todd and Reyes got to torture me for 8 hours to force me to say that I supposedly “wanted to be a whore instead of a mother”…. “family” and the desire for one has always been my greatest weakness. And in the end, they were also the greatest traitors.

My father sold his only child and daughter for a gold mine, that he didn’t even get lode rights on, and now he has nothing to show for it except indebtedness to a psychopathic homicidal Chinese gangster, and the fact that he will never see or speak to his only daughter ever again in this lifetime.

I’m grateful that Phillip showed me the true nature of these vile people, because without that lesson, I doubt I would have been able to move forward as I have. They have held me back my whole life with lies and BS, keeping me crippled and ill while leeching off me for money and energy and attention and fame. These are not good people and having them in my life is what caused the traumas that made me naïve enough to “fall for it” in the first place.

I'm grateful to finally feel nothing except pity and revulsion for them, and to finally be able to move on.

In 8 years, there is one core truth than has solidly rang true every single time.

The self-proclaimed "family that will never fail me". Yeah, that's bullshit. They ALWAYS fail me, always have, always will, every. single. damn. time. And the greatest mistake I ever made other than getting roped in with that lunatic Chris, was believing in them in the first place.